soopastryheart

Wedding season has been well underway, evidenced by the growing number of save-the-dates and invitations that have accumulated on our mail pile. It seems like every other weekend a new couple posts engagement photos on Facebook or announces the happy news.

But somewhere in the midst of RSVPs and remembering the registry last minute (desperately trying to avoid being the one to buy the happy couple a spatula), to taking advantage of the open bar and/or posing regrettably in the photo booth, it has become abundantly clear that common sense isn’t always common sense when it comes to wedding festivities. So in case you need a refresher course in matrimony etiquette:

1. Unless you happen to know that the event is accommodating children (kids’ table, daycare, etc.), find a sitter for your brats. Don’t assume that your children can be part of your RSVP.

2. In fact, don’t assume that the RSVP is for anyone but you and your date (if you are allowed one). Weddings and receptions are notoriously expensive, and it’s mind numbingly rude if you bring your entire family of seven expecting a table.

3. Don’t bully the wedding party or ask to be the exception. It’s unfair to everyone else and it’s unfair to guilt the bride/groom.

4. Stick to the registry. If it’s miraculously complete, a check or giftcard is appropriate. Do not go rogue and think that romantic DVDs or cleaning supplies are adequate gifts. There’s a reason why they didn’t ask for it in the first place.

5. Ladies: no matter how casual the wedding, your Vegas party clothes will never be appropriate for anywhere else than Vegas. If you have to ask, “Is this too short?” IT IS.

6. Gentlemen: Jeans and nuptials is a big ass no. I don’t care if it’s in a backyard.

7. It kills me that I have to say it at all, but I always see at least one: DON’T WEAR ALL WHITE. No matter how “modern” or “new-age” you think you are, this shit is exclusive to the bride.

8. You are not a wedding reviewer. You are no bridal fashion expert or food critic. As far as the bride and groom are concerned, this ceremony is the most beautiful you’ve ever seen and every choice they have made is perfect. You will hold your damn tongue and reserve any judgment for the car ride home.

9. Weddings ceremonies are supposed to be composed, elegant, and even a bit stoic. The reception is not. The reception is the time to party, time to loosen those ties a bit (never should you wear it as a headband). Have a few drinks. But never to a point where you’re ralphing in the bushes or groping the mother of the bride.

10. It has occurred to me that an overwhelming number of you now own DSLRs. I get it too: they take nicer photos. But for the love of god, let the professional do his/her job and stay out of his/her way.

11. If you are single/dateless and someone asks you to dance, the answer is always, always yes.