soopastryheart

There’s a double standard when it comes to affection displayed in relationships. When a guy talks about how great his girlfriend is, he is typically met with adoration, praise, and an endless train of oohs and ahhs by spectators. He is regarded a romantic, a kind and gentle soul worthy of a rom-com. When girls do it however, they are immediately deemed subservient, beguiled, disillusioned, or downright pathetic.

So to avoid being labeled the scarlet P, we overcompensate to hide our emotions by acting aggressively and disguising it with a surly demeanor. We try too hard to appear aloof when really, all we want to do is throw confetti in the air and sing out, “Yippie! I found someone who loves me… despite my emotional retardation and baggage!”

This year for Valentine’s, I decided to give that notion not one, but two middle fingers. Why should I be so afraid or nervous to express my love and appreciation for my boyfriend? Let me just appreciate him, dammit.

And why shouldn’t we celebrate the fact that we’re happy? It’s a special thing to have someone in your life who indulges your 1 am taco cravings, is tolerant of your unwashed hair and tendencies to apologize for everything (whether warranted or not), and accepting of your inability to poop when within proximity of another’s ears (no lie, in the early months of dating, I kicked him out of the apartment when duty/doody called).

And it’s really great to have someone to be the buffer between you and your most self-crushing thoughts and insecurities. It’s really great to relieve yourself of the burden of having to carry it alone, and to have someone who will remind you that you’re not crazy… just passionate (and that he digs it… most of the time).

And it’s great to have someone behind you, as well as beside you, as you take a chance with your career, no matter how slow (or idle) it may be. And despite his short fuse, he seems to have the utmost patience when it comes to me figuring my shit out.

“Look, go out there and take a chance. Go do what you want to do, and let me do this for you until you get what you want.” His support (emotionally and financially) has meant the continuation and luxury of pursuing my dreams without the constraint of time and guilt (well, a little bit of guilt). And though he does indeed spoil me plenty with material things, this has meant the most of all.

I feel outrageously lucky to have found him, this wonderful and handsome man who loves and protects me, who has become my biggest advocate and fan. I am thankful that I’ve found someone I can unapologetically be myself around, unshaved legs and all. I am grateful that he accepts me as a whole, as the complete emotional psychopath that I am. A smart man would have caught the clues in the first few weeks and walked away. But a smarter man, such as he, recognized this was something worthwhile and stayed. I’m glad you stayed.

What I’m trying to say is: I appreciate you, Boyfriend. I love you. And I am so glad that that one fateful October night, we both got stupid drunk and made out in the middle of the street.