"I see a bad mood arising, I see trouble on the way"
October 11, 2010 § 1 Comment
Dear KiMooniePants,
This letter should have been delivered a few months ago, near the time of your graduation. But as you remember, there was quite a bit going on at that point, and I found myself feeling wholly unqualified to fill the pages up with the words I wanted to say to you without feeling like an utter hypocrite.
I don’t need to tell you that our family is special. If you ask around, you’ll quickly understand that there are very few families who are as close as we are (or as laughably insane). You might shake your head or question if you were adopted whenever you see some bizarre antic, but it’s these little quirks that make us special, make us undeniably, us.
You’ve always been the second smartest between the three of us kids (because let’s face it: Honie beats us both by a long shot), but you’ve also been slightly clueless when it came to common sense (part of your charm, really). I have always cherished the fact you’ve come to me as much you have for guidance (and hope you continue to)– it’s meant so much that you trust me this way, that my opinions, my words could matter in your world.
I don’t know when you became the man you are now. The change, it seems to me, happened abruptly and quickly, like when you hit that 9-inch growth spurt one summer and lost your man boobs. I just know that one day, a short while back, I noticed the obvious growth in your maturity; you were a little more patient, a little less stubborn, a lot more generous, and a lot less careless.
Despite my track record and the recent turn of events in my life, I hope my advice will still mean something to you. Let me tell you that things will fall apart no matter how desperately you hang on, and life will have more bleak moments than bright ones. But take it from me Ki, don’t let those moments define you. Don’t let your shortcomings mean more than everything else you have to offer this world (and trust me, that’s a lot). Don’t hold on to the things you can’t control; I know you Ki, and I know you worry yourself like crazy when things aren’t going your way, but I hope that you learn to readjust and continue, because that’s really all you can do. You’re becoming more and more like Oppa everyday – which means you will become an amazing father and man, but it also means that you’re like him in that… you’re just as impatient and easily flustered as he is, especially when things aren’t going your way. The truth is, sometimes, no matter how prepared you are, good intentions won’t be enough. Sometimes, no matter the effort and dedication, the favored results will evade you. But I promise, especially for a kid like you, you will always figure it out. You’ll learn that misfires and setbacks aren’t always necessarily bad – that sometimes, it’s through those so-called errors that you learn from the most. Take it from your beloved Legos and K’Nex, and build from those experiences. Take those challenges, the adverse moments, and make them matter in ways that count.
Being the oldest has its fair share of obligations and responsibilities, but none more so than wanting to be a good person for you and for Honie. You should know by now, KiKi, that I put you and her before everything else, and I love you two more than words could ever adequately provide. I have never wanted to be anyone less than what I wanted you two to see me as; someone you could look up to, someone you could be proud of.
But truth is, I’m the one who feels the most proud by being able to say that I’m your sister. You are the first person I think of when the phrase “limitless potential” comes to mind. And maybe you don’t feel like you’re in the position you thought you’d be at this point in your life, but I see where you are now and truly believe you’re well on your way. Your ambitions will change and evolve as you do, until you reach a point you will become content, a point where you realize that all the shittier stuff had a purpose.
You’re 23 today. 23 was the age I gave myself ridiculous deadlines and milestones I thought I should have. I hope you haven’t made that same mistake. I hope you give yourself enough leeway to appreciate everything you have right now – your new job, your new car, your newfound journey into adulthood – and realize that there’s no age cap to experiences and success. I can’t imagine everything you’ll have done by 24, 25, and the years beyond. I can’t wait until you introduce us to a girlfriend (and I feel sorry for her already, since no girl will ever meet the impossible standards I have set for you). I can’t wait for all the things you have yet to achieve, all the things you have yet to embark on; because I know that no matter what the endeavor, you will be great.
As you get accustomed to your new life, don’t forget to make time for your crazy family, even when we’re bothering you with ridiculously mundane questions and favors, like when Oppa calls you to log-in to his bank account because he’s forgotten his password for the twenty-seventh time. It’s not that we are incapable of fixing the clocks in the cars for daylight savings, or figuring out how to set up wireless internet without you…. it’s just what we hang on to all these things because we are all well aware how quickly you are growing. So don’t think we are morons the next time we call you about the pilot light in the oven going out. It’s just another ploy, a pathetic excuse to hear your voice, to keep you close, and hold on to for as long as we can.
And once you are unfathomably successful, something I have never doubted you won’t be, please remember that your sister, your beautiful, wise, brilliant sister, who has supplied your wardrobe since grade school, and dealt with the state trooper during your 21st birthday, loves all things Balenciaga and Yves Saint Laurent.
Happy birthday Ki.
soopastryheart 
Soo,
You'll always have been and always will be one of my biggest role models (along side 엄마 and 아빠 of course). Even when you least expect it. It's true that no matter what, the younger sibling will always look up to their older sibling. I've never really told you but you're one of the main reasons I persevered through high school and college. I'll always be here for you and I hope you'll always be there for me. I'm glad things are starting to look up for you. Thanks for everything!
Love you Soo!
P.S.
I'm gonna kill you for putting that picture up!